Fatdess

Closing the blog starting a new row path with BLEND!

2009-05-13T12:43:00.002+01:00

Good Afternoon,
I have today taken the decision to close my blog TheFatdess which kept me company and memories since the 26 November 2008.
This decision comes as the result of a life changing new project I am starting today.
I am extremely exited about the new venture and I will start a new blog with a new title for my new journey.
I will keep in touch with you all and keep sharing my experiences, research and knowledge but in a much larger scale, so you will be able to see more of my work in the coming months.
Until then I will be happy to receive your e-mails and suggestions on my private new e-mail address which is the following:
marybelmultimedia@yahoo.co.uk
wishing you all good health and high spirits
nam-myoho-renge-kyo
Marybel
xxx

Permaculture and my dream summer

2009-05-11T09:41:00.003+01:00

Good morning all,
I am feeling like bleah this morning ( girly 2nd day) but also very happy and hopeful.
Yesterday I spent all day in Taplow Court, a great Buddhist Centre singing with the Glorious Life Chorus.
Once back I started to research on how to deepen my knowledge and practice of Permaculture...and I got a great news from my friend S.( the Angel, remember?) about this website:
http://www.rawreform.com/content/view/17/30/
It's the story of a girl like me and possibly you...who used to be sick with hypothyroidism and on levothyroxin and got better through eating only row food. It is a beautiful inspiring story which gives me great hope for the future and also fits perfectly with whatever else is going on with my life.
I spoke to my husband yesterday about a voluntary project I just joined called 'The Allotments Learning Project' and asked him to join- both his brothers work in Agriculture but he was not interested in Mother Earth until yesterday...
So this morning I kept looking at various permaculture networks and community projects around the world and this is what I did:
1) e-mailed my Tenant Management Association and Local Borough
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am a TMO tenant at xxxx.
I am writing to enquire on the possibility to start a Community food growing scheme and small Theatre project this summer, using the green space outside my home which is at the moment not in use by the people living here.
The initiative can help increase access to safe, sustainable and nutritious food and promote well-being in our local area.
We have a small group: BLEND! a project we are promoting with some local artists and families living in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. This individuals can help working as volunteers to develop the design and involve the other residents who wish to take part, increasing safety and community spirit.
Personally I have been trained in Permaculture in 2007 (Brockwell Park Green Houses Community Project) and I am currently a volunteer for the Allotments Learning Project (London Action Trust) and I have a BA in Performing Arts (currently studying for MA in Dramatherapy).
As you might be aware, food growing initiatives are becoming more popular in US (White House/Obama) and UK. Many look at these initiatives as a solution. They may include city farms, allotments, schemes set up on wasteland or school gardens. Growing fruit and vegetables offers a range of health benefits and simultaneously promotes a healthy environment and sustainable development.
I would like to find out the person responsible for this and take the first steps.
My contact numbers as follow:
xxxxx
xxxxx
Many Thanks
Kind Regards
Marybel

I suddenly realised that I could blend BLEND! my multimedia theatre projects I don't have a venue for with my growing desire to grow starting from my backyard!
and :

Hello F.,
I am a Permaculture designer. If you could send me some pictures of your space, I can start designing based on what you already have and what you would like to grow.
Permaculture is a sustainable movement which cultivates in respect with the environment transforming problems into solutions.
I have grown vegetables since childhood in Italy as a hobby and part of my family education.
Since 1997 I have been trained in Permaculture. I am currently helping a few people with their design and creating a network of growers to swap food, seeds, techniques and advice.
I look forward to hearing from you very soon and hopefully to meet you too.
Kind Regards
Marybel
Finally I called my friend H. who asked me to help her growing in her own garden some carrots, courgettes and herbs...here I am starting the network!

Soft Saturday...and catch up

2009-05-09T10:27:00.004+01:00

I like to think I will have a Soft Saturday today...even though I started by watching an Italian programme called Annozero.
In "Complotto" is the title of the last episode which talks about the disgusting possible liaison between Berlusconi and a minor with the involvement of the whole family.
What's worse is that the little girl, just turned 18 told the press that she calls Silvio Berlusconi 'daddy' and he will take care that she will have a great future career both in show business as well as in politics.
Personally I did not mind having porn star Cicciolina in the Parliament back in the 80's as she was also a very intelligent woman but I find Mara Carfagna very difficult to digest...
If you don't follow international politics, you might not know she was a topless model who became a minister after a 'friendship' with the Italian premier.
I am sorry for all Italians myself included beyond belief as we now have proof that he is connected to mafia and P2 but yet we cannot do anything to get rid of him! It makes me sick!
And talking about digestive system, my brother suggested that I go to see a new doctor in Milan for my problem with weight and possible thyroidism.
I will see him but will not accept any operation as usual.
I am free of my husband who went to see his family abroad and I am having a great time at the gym.
I have been going almost everyday and will go again today at 16.00.
Since I saw my GP last week and she told me I hadn't lost any weight I did not stop for a second...I started running to every possible aqua class.
I do feel as bloated as a balloon and I have a very strong desire to lose some weight before summer...I would be very happy even with a size 16 just to go to the beach in Sardinia in June...
And this is the most stressful part: I now have two job offers but I cannot start work because I am still waiting for the CRB check to come through.
So disappointing! I really do need some money for my holidays and I am willing to work for it but everything is stuck!!!
The very positive note is that I have increased my chanting of nam-myoho-renge-kyo (www.sgi.org) and my study of Buddhism in the last week with a fantastic increase of my energy levels.
Also yesterday I invited 10 women for a catch up dinner and we had a great time. We enjoyed a buffet and got to know each other much better. We had a great laugh about families and cultures.
Now I will go to do a bit of chanting.
XXX
M

Dramatherapy Assessment at Roehampton University

2009-05-02T19:17:00.002+01:00

Guys I geel better already<
what a wonderful day!
Assessment day for the MA in Deamatherapy at Roehampton University. A real treat.
A morning of improvisation and an afternoon of devising and performing with a one to one interview.
A model of efficiency with the lovely background of Richmond Park...wow!!!

A film idea

2009-04-26T08:13:00.005+01:00

Good morning all,
as it happens on a Sunday morning I woke up with a film idea!
{No, I will not tell my husband as every time I come up with a new idea he drops, putting his head between his legs, holding it with his hands...'Why?!? Why do you have all this different ideas everyday...why can't you just sit and watch TV like everyone else?'
Well...because I am a genius! That's why! Ha ha...My lovely husband, M. R. E. I. A. ...yes, his name is quite long...is a gentleman by birth but very modest in this lifetime. He doesn't like planning too far into the future and is a very down to earth kind of guy, that is why I have selected him to be my partner in life Or...'Kosen Rufu Partner' as we say in the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin.
This means a partner which will support me into achieving peace in the world.
Anyhow, I, as a multimedia Artist 'a tutto tondo' as we say in Italy, a 'all round' Artist...my imagination is vivid and my ideas grow like mushrooms in September...
only every single day.}
So yesterday I met my long time friend opera singer M. She is also Italian living in the UK for a while. She is also a member of the 'Glorious Life Chorus' like myself. She is also singing in the Soprano section.
She is interested in creating an art group and in sharing her love for music with others whit in the community and we started to talk about BLEND!, my multimedia community project.
Then I told her: -' My all time hero is Mater Teresa of Calcutta' and my idea of being an artist is to put arts at the service of others to bring happiness and joy...and she told me: -'Me too..'
So we have decided to collaborate and we will meet next Monday again to chant, go to the gym, sing and plan art projects...
I want to do one about Hypothyroidism...and a book and a movie and a SPA welcoming people suffering from Hypothyroidism to give them hope.
The hope many doctors took away from me...saying my Thyroid is fine, the values are correct and I cannot expect to lose weight...bla bla bladibla!
Last week I saw a specialist endocrinologist Dr. S. J. H. which I call 'Dr. Urine' (because the only propositive action he took was to give me two 2.5 lt. tanks to fill up with piss in 24 hour for a new test!). This man, is considered to be one of the best endocrinology experts offering consultations in two major London Hospitals. I met him at UCH. He also operates in a private clinic. I did not have a great opinion of this character. First of all how can you trust a doctor who doesn't even look at you in the eyes, let alone visit you?
He told me that everything was normal and my values look perfect. I don't suffer from thyroid disease. I then asked him:' So why I don't feel any better?'
He told me, calling me 'darling', that I couldn't expect to feel better and lose weight...then he went on to explain that he just assumed I had always been fat and coming from a family of obese parents. Imagine that!
Am I the only person to wonder how some people became doctors and on what basis they are given so much credit and responsibility?
I then asked him:'Are you saying that there is no cure for this condition?'
My simptoms are still there:
-constipation;
- nails breaking;
-hairloss;
- weight gain;
- fatigue;
-poor slip;
-memory loss;
-intollerance to cols;
-headaches;
-boils;
-puffy face;
-haemorroids;
- painful irregular periods...
but I also Have some of what Dr. Peatfield decribes as Symptoms of Low Adrenal Reserve:
-Dark Rings Under Eyes;
-Loss of Body hair;
-Poor Exercise Tollerance;
-Palpitations;
-Back & Loin Pain;
and some others are the same, like cold and fatigue...
if Dr. Peatfield has been stopped working for 18 months by GMC...you can read all this story from:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1332644.stm

then this is a fantastic story for a movie!!!
My friend S. already told me she agrees.
She is my Fb Angel, remember? The nutritionist which from time to time supports me, encourages me and gives me advice... Here part of our concersation this morning- talking of another doctor who called me two days ago:
M:- 'I explained to him that I know what is like to be well
and it is completely different
well I am very much overweight
exactly double my normal size
I lost 4 Kgs in 1 year of diet, exercise and medications...I am on Reductil from 2 months too
I am always tired
I sleep a lot
cannot go out twice on the same day'.
S:-'how many hours do u sleep a day?'
M:-' I don't have the energy
it feels like no power
8/9
sometimes 12
and I am always so cold
that often my skin hurts'
S:-'obviously your meds are not working for u'
M:-'that's what I think too'
S:-'hows your memory?'
M:-'and also I became more sensitive to noyse
bad
who are you?
haha
sorry, couldn't resist!'
S:-'lol
would u ever self medicate?'
M:-'Yes, under guidance'
S:-'according to sttm site...'
M:-'I would like to make a movie about this awful situation
yesterday I met a friend who is an opera singer
and had similar problems...'
M:'-i know someone who followed the notes on sttm and came off thyroxine and went on armour now feels fantastic'
S:-'and we were talking about opening a spa dedicated to people suffering from this
really?...I saw a guy on youtube'
S:-'totally ric?'
M:-'I was hoping to do something like this under Dr. P's advice
do you think he will recommend this?'
S:-'yes
he does not rate thyroxine
making a movie about thyroid is a fab idea...thyroid needs more airtime'

he does not rate thyroxine

making a movie about thyroid is a fab idea

thyroid needs more airtime

Down the Hypo...

2009-04-21T12:15:00.002+01:00

This morning I felt really DOWN!!!
Moody since Satrurday...period...ok nothing new. But today, Tuesday and still so Blue?
Not usually like me...Sobbing in the morning, no energy, cannot be less interested, sto fighting...as if possessed by somebody with a totally different personality...I want to start a movie-documentary project on this disabling sneaky little disease which is taking over my life.
But not now.
Now I have just deleted all appointments for the day and overslept.
Program for the afternoon:
oversleep.
I have lost loads of bodily fluid...no wonder I feel drained.
Soon
xxx
M

MARYBEL'S HEALTHY CAPONATA

2009-04-17T15:53:00.005+01:00

Today dear friends, I am going to share with you one of my biggest family secret recipes:MARYBEL'S HEALTHY CAPONATA.
This dish is my personal healthier interpretation of my mother's interpretation of an ancient and famous sicilian recipe called Capunata.
It is a cooked vegetable salad with many variations according to local area, social class and personal taste. The dish was then imported in various italian regions with more variations...you can find many information on this famous and popular thish online...but I will tell you that it came to us from the Arabs and this is probably why it is so popular with my Moroccan husband. The queen ingredient is the aubergine.
As I am on constant diet, I avoid frying as much as possible, therefore follow the process decribed below:

INGREDIENTS FOR 2 PEOPLE
(We keep it in a box in the fridge and eat it cold as a side dish as well)

3 potatoes
2 aubergines
2 peppers
2 onions
3 garlic
later add:
capers
olives
olive oil (extra virgin, of course)
vinegar
half tbs of brown sugar.

My porcedure is very easy, simple and faster than many of the original recipes. It is also much healthier as I avoid frying as well as overcooking.
In a short time you will be able to prepare a wonderful colorful dish which you will be very proud to serve to your friends and family.
I peal, wash and cut all vegetables in small cubes.
I usually start with the potatoes as they have the longest cooking time. I put a little oil and water (about 2 tbs each) in an oven tray and mix the potatoes coating them and and adding salt and pepper to taste. I then place the tray into the bottom of the oven at high temperature for about 10 minutes and thel lower.
In the mentime I cut the rest of the vegetables. You can also add celery, carrots and tomatoes if you like. Add all the vegetables mixing everything together.
Finally add the capers, olives,basil or origano according to your taste, a bit of vinegar with half tablespoon of brown sugar and a little olive oil on top.
This dish is best eaten cold as a side dish or on top of a bruschetta as a starter.
Enjoy this healthy treat
XXX
M

Radish, my new friend

2009-04-17T15:41:00.005+01:00

Radish (Raphanus sativus) is my new friend...apparently it's one of these vegetables which help with the thyroyd function...
This morning I went to Portobello market and I bought 5 bunches...I just had one for lunch.
Today I am not feeling very well, might be PMT but I am very happy and proud of myself. Last week I managed to attend two aqua classes which are getting more and more intense...a sort of boot camp...
As I am feeling down and craving anything...I bought many 'good stuff' = foods which are supposed to be good for me.
Some of them will be consumed as snacks, others as meals.
As this afternoon the sky is gloomy the market was not as busy. I got my favourite fresh free range eggs from the 'chicken specialist' stall.
Two packs of sunflower seeds should keep the munchies away...I also got some dark chocolate 75%...for the antioxidants.
Today I will teach you a new recipe: Marybel's healthy Caponata.

Newly found inspiration: winning hope

2009-04-15T04:09:00.002+01:00

Good morning to all followers, declared and non...may you feel the healing I am experiencing right now.
It is like starting to wake up from a long nightmare. Not completely awaken yet but already feeling better.
The reason? A post-modern multidisciplinary combination of factors.
First of all I have finally found a suitable new job. I will be proudly switching my career focus to social work, after a lifetime of volunteering I have decided to follow my heart and go for it.
Finally I put an end to the upsetting long string of letters with the same dry message:-'sorry to inform you that you have been unsuccessful on this application but we wish you good luck for your job search'!
After a period of asking myself where all this brilliant candidates with better qualifications and experience than mine hide on a daily basis -maybe they live in a sub town of geniuses...certainly I didn't meet any of them in schools, hospitals, agencies and offices I have used recently...
My focused chanting of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to find a job that I truly enjoy, that inspires me and gives me a clears career path connected to my passions and life experiences has finally manifested. I had no doubt...there was one somewhere...but it has been hiding really well.
Finally I heard the words:' you were the best candidate' and 'I look forward to working with you'.
Wow! It's a completely different tune! A different music style all together.
And wait to read what follows as it is just amazing.
I will be working with elderly individuals suffering from dementia.
My friends reaction was comparable to the one I got when I found my first job selling books in 1989! Just because I love books so much I was over the moon but my excitement was hardly comprehended by everybody else around me.
The main point is: I have discovered some very important information.
Hypothyroidism is one of the possible causes of Dementia. My first benefit will be to change my deepest karma by helping others suffering from the one of the worse consequences of my own personal disease.
My second benefit is that while studying to prepare for this job I have discovered some very useful information about my illness that no doctor, dietitian or nutritionist was able to offer up to now.
My third and most important benefit is that I love my manager already, after only two meetings. She is a very clever and sensitive woman with a great taste in choosing candidates.
So I have decided to change the colour of this blog from a depressing black background into an healing blue.
According to Colour Therapy the color blue relates to the Troat Chakra.
The organs associated to this particular Chakra are the troat, the lungs and the endocrine gland is the thyroid gland. I have also managed to discover what caused that burning sensation: the upper digestive tract can be affected by imbalance in this area.
According to the Colour Therapy professionals blue relates to self-expression. Do you remember my article on the matter a few weeks ago? I invite you to read it again.

'Speech, communication, the ability to communicate our needs and requirements. Spirit of truth and purpose.' (http://www.colourtherapyhealing.com/colour/blue.php)
Last night I have also cooked some Kombu seaweed. This is a food rich in iodine which is crucial to help healing from Hypothyroidism as well as to prevent Dementia.
This link gave me some more information on natural remedies and dietary requirements for people suffering from low thyroid function:
http://www.naturalways.com/thyroid.htm

Apparently together with all refined foods, saturated fats, sugars, and white flour products, brussels sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, kale, mustard greens,also peaches and pears have anti-thyroid substances and may suppress the thyroid function. They do not mention the strawberries though, which previously we found part of the 'no no group'.
While advising to consume at least half the amount of food as fresh and organically produced it confirms my love affair with Kefir is great as the enzymes from live foods help to maintain a proper metabolism.
This link also finally mentions what the hell WE ARE supposed to eat...do you agree that usually it is merely mentioned what to avoid leaving a big space for confusion?
Here a POSITIVE LIST OF FOODS WE SHOULD BE EATING TO HELP THE THYROID FUNCTION, ladies and gentlemen:
* ALL FOODS RICH IN VITAMIN A - yellow vegetables, eggs, carrots, and dark green vegetables (excluding the cabbage family).
*ALL IODINE RICH FOODS - fish and sea veg:arame, kelp, dulse, hijike, nori, wakame, and kombu. Seaweeds are very nourishing to the glands.
*BLACK AND RED RADISHES were apparently used by Russian doctors as a cure for Hypothyroidism : 'Raphanin, the main sulphur component in radishes, is chiefly responsible for keeping the production of thyroxine and calcitonin (a peptide hormone) in normal balance'.
*SEEDS, NUTS (no pinuts) NUT MILKS ( I love the Jamaican green coconut...they sell in the summer in London...cannot wait!Last year I drunk 2 on a row and the jelly...yummy!)
*VEGETABLE JUICES 'includes the juice of a few radishes, carrot, tomato, celery or zucchini, with a pinch of kelp' - I stopped using my juicer as the dietitian told me it was better to consume the products including the fiber to avoid assuming too much sugar!!! Well I will start again from tomorrow!
- beneficial ingredients for vegetable juice combinations include: alfalfa, all leafy greens, beet tops, carrots, celery, green peppers, parsley, seaweeds, sprouts, and watercress.

I also started to take vitamin B12 everyday as I do not eat meat and this is mainly found in meat...
Another 'new entry' is the Bach flowers 'Wild Rose' remedy.
This remedy is for people who have accepted all that life throws at them and have given up the struggle for fulfilment. Instead they have resigned themselves to the way things are, to the extent where they don't even complain or seem particularly unhappy. Instead they shrug their shoulders - there's no point complaining or trying to change - and seem happy just to drift through life.

The remedy is given to reawaken interest in life. The positive Wild Rose person will still be a happy-go-lucky type, but instead of apathy will feel a sense of purpose that will bring increased happiness and enjoyment.
Dr Bach's description:

Those who without apparently sufficient reason become resigned to all that happens, and just glide through life, take it as it is, without any effort to improve things and find some joy. They have surrendered to the struggle of life without complaint.

That was me...almost.
Well it is working, I feel more positive and 'combative'.
I have noticed last night during my late aquaerobics session with the pretty young instructor all the girls fancy. He pushed us to work so hard that I almost had an heart attack...but I didn't give up. Let's fight and win together!
Ciao
XXX
Marybel

Bad news from Italy

2009-04-10T16:23:00.002+01:00

So dear followers,
I have been very busy this month in analysing and following political and news from my own countries of origin:
Italy and Sardinia.
So sad...not only the tragedy in Abruzzo and the lack of social politics.
Very worrying the embarassing power of criminal Silvio Berlusconi.
It is not only a matter of monopoly of the mass media, of conflict of ionterest...
It is becoming so explicit his connection with P2, mafia bosses which he is taking to Parlament with him and making immune from following the law...I am even more upset by the knowlege of his increasing influence in Sardinia through Capellacci and extremely dangerous for the economy and environment of the island...
I wish he would stop ruining our country and be called to pay for all his mischievs and give the money back to our nation.

A new job a new hope

2009-04-09T06:22:00.003+01:00

I am ever so excited about this: I found a new job.
Not only that: a job working with people suffering from dementia.
In the community.
Using arts.
Linked to my project to gain an MA in Dramatherapy.
I am so excited!
Of course everything is subject to references and CRB check.
I cannot wait to start. I have an appointment at 2pm next tuesday...wow!!!

The sleep study night 8 April 2009

2009-04-08T18:12:00.007+01:00

Tonight I will have to sleep with a sleep study machine attached to my body and my nose...Dr. S. told me that sleep could be one of the reasons for weight gain.
At the hospital I asked the technician who explained me how to use the machine about it , but he asked me if I was going to have the operation.
The operation they keep pushing as the solution to all my problems is the gastric band! No I will not!
So I searched the Internet and found this link:
http://www.sleep-deprivation.com/articles/effects-of-sleep-deprivation/weight.php
Apparently there is a commonly accepted relationship with poor sleeping patterns and weight gain.
So at 8pm I started wearing the machine. Elastic bands, nose sensors, red light on ring finger...an ET movie...
How could anyone sleep better with all this devices attached to the body with cello tape? I certainly did not.
I woke up at lest 5 times if not 10.
Doctor S. is currently on holidays and I have an appointment booked with him to check the results...let's hope they finally start to understand what is wrong with me ...

Iodine & Hypothiroidism

2009-04-02T06:46:00.003+01:00

I recently mentioned a new friend but did not have much time to talk about it. As it often happens S. T. looks like an angel. Firstly she asked me if I was taking thyroxine or armour. I told her the truth: I have been taking Levothyroxine since last April, I am now on 75 mcg but without massive results. I also directed her to this blog and she became my friend instantly by writing:- 'Great blog..:)..' haha.
She wrote me that 'the hypo thing is so very complicated..it's a lot about sorting the adrenals first before even going on meds..but lots of docs just put peeps on thyroxine straight away..
do you take digestive enzymes with your meals?..they should help with absorption issues which in turn helps the thyroid.
Sure,I make and drink kefir. Ti is also called kefīrs, keefir, kephir, kewra, talai, mudu kekiya, milkkefir, búlgaros...according to the culture.
It is a fermented drink that can be prepared at home by inoculating milk with kefir grains. I have tried various milk, including soy milk. The best result so far was with UTH long life milk semi-skimmed. At present I am using completely skimmed milk to decrease fat and help with weight-loss...
You can find a lot of information on this on the following websites:
http://users.sa.chariot.net.au/~dna/kefirpage.html
http://www.seedsofhealth.co.uk/fermenting/kefir.shtml
http://www.nourishkefir.co.uk/
' Hypo can be such a silent deceptive disease it's important to have support.'
My angel also gave me the following contacts which I pass on to you all, in case they might be useful to you too:

-info on products
https://web0.herbdoc.com/index.php?&c=1
-info on 'thyroid chat centre'
http://thyroidhost.proboards.com/index.cgi?
wakame seaweed
new ideas :
dr brownstein on iodine
So I am now doing more research...on iodine as well.

It is only 7:21 in the morning and today I will try and go to the gym before anything else...I find that if I leave it too late in the end I don't go...and I am starting to meet my husband's disappointment about paying an expensive gym membership without using it...!!!

I don't eat much sugar but I have a weakness for cheese

2009-04-01T16:39:00.005+01:00

All cheeses, really!
I love them, I dream of them and I don't think I can actually live without them at all.
Sometimes I asked my husband the question: 'do you think we can survive without cheese until tomorrow?' He laughs and we both know the answer...
Maybe my Sardinian origins. Sardinia is a land of sheeps and shepherds with the nicest cheese ever...but I also got to love French and Greek and even British cheeses.
I better get my salad ready now.
Say Cheese!
xxx
M

A new Friend a new poem...

2009-03-29T15:54:00.001+01:00

this is the poem in Italian and English below:
VIVENDO LA MORTE

Richmond

e` bella oggi.

E mi siedo in un cimitero

Il sole risplende

Molti suoni e colori pervadono l’atmosfera

Ogni tomba sembra viva e felice

Alcune hanno lanterne di varie forme e colori

Molte hanno fiori e piante

Splendendo con I loro molti colori

E il suono metallico degli scacciapensieri

Una piccolo corona di rose gialle e fiorellini color lilla` sovrasta incoronando una tomba

Qualche palloncino a forma di cuore rosa e girandole gialle

Tutto mi fa sentire in grande compagnia

Perfino un festone di natale rosso come un boa luccicante

Mi salute brillando, come giochelerrando con i timidi raggi del sole

Dietro di me le voci scatenate dei bambini che urlano nel cortile

Vita e morte

La ruota della vita

E la mia vita qui con la speranza di un nuovo inizio

Un colloqui

Sono molto in anticipo

Seduta qui

Recitando [1]

Per la mia carriera

Improvvisamente

Una realizzazione, un’idea

Che in morte come in vita

Alcuni si distinguono per lusso e stile

Molti di piu` per semplicita`

Alcuni per solitudine

La vita e` breve

Me la devo godere

Varie immagini vogliono essere lette dai miei occhi richiamando la mia attenzione:

Un piccolo angelo si rilassa sulla pancia guardando all’insu`

Una piccolo farfallina

Una stella

Un cuore

The familiari

In una macchina

Mi guardano sospettosamente

Che faccio seduta li`…

E piu` suoni e piu` vento scuote l’aria

E il moto incessante degli insetti

E non e` affatto semplice digerire un panino di formaggio e cipolle

Forse un altro sorso di acqua frizzante aiuta

Il suono di un aeroplane richiama

Il mio desiderio per una lunga vacanza

Siamo veramente troppo impegnati a pianificare il futuro per goderci l’adesso?

Mi godo veramente questo momento di preghiera e riflessione

Un piccolo uccellino salta mentre le foglie secche tamburellano un ritmo di base

Un altro aeroplane, un altro desiderio vacanziero

2/3 ferie 2/3 mila ?

Un grosso grasso corvo …e un piccolo passerotto marroncino avanzano

La morte non puo` essere poi cosi` male se ti puoi riposare qui

Con amorevoli palloncini risa e cartoline plastificate

Un uccellino canta forte replicando

Le girandole una grande e rosa e una piccolo e multicolore girano a velocita` differenti

Uno dei palloncini rosa e` scoppiato…no, due…come la bolla globale

Fuori dall’inferriata molte machine si muovono intorno al traffico…

E il vecchio tronco vicino a me ha molteplici nuovi boccioli germogliano

Ancora 45 minuti al mio colloquio

E mi sto prendendo un raffreddore

La vita non deve essere cosi`

La vita puo` rinascere

Marybel Salis-El Ismaili Alaoui

LIVING DEATH

Richmond

is beautiful today.

And I seat in a cemetery

The sun is shining

Many sounds and colours pervade the atmosphere

Every tomb looks alive and happy

Some have lanterns in various shapes and colours

Many have flowers and plants

Shining with their many colours

And the metallic sounds of the wind charms.

A little wreath of yellow roses and lilac little flowers towers crowning a tomb

A few pink heart- shaped balloons and yellow whirling wheels

Everything makes me feel I am in great company

Even a red Christmas decoration like a ‘sparkling boa’

Greets me shining, as if playing with the timid sun’s rays

Behind me the excited voices of children screaming in a playground

Life and death

The wheel of life

And my own life here with the hope of a new beginning

An interview

I am very early

Seating here

Chanting

for my career

Suddenly

A realization, an idea

That in death as in life

Some distinguish themselves with luxury and style

Many more with simplicity

Some with loneliness

Life is short

I have to enjoy it

Images want to be red by my eyes calling for attention:

A little angel relaxes on his belly looking up

A small butterfly

A star

A heart

Three family members

in a car

look at me suspiciously:

what am I doing sitting there…

and more sounds and more wind moves the air

and the incessant motion of the insects

it is not at all easy to digest a cheese and onion sandwich!

Maybe one more sip of sparkling water helps

The sound of a plain recalls my

Desire for a long holiday

Are we really too busy planning for the future to enjoy the now?

Indeed I do enjoy this moment of prayer and focus

A little bird jumps while the dry leaves drum a backing rhythm

Another plane, another holiday desire

2/3 hols 2/3 Ks…?

A big fat black crow…and a little light brown sparrow come closer

Death cannot be that bad if you can rest here

And have lovely pink balloons and plastic greeting cards

A bird sings loudly to reply

Whirling wheels one big and pink, one smaller and multicoloured turn at different speeds

One of the pink balloons has gone burst…no two of them... like the global bubble

Outside the fence many cars move around in traffic…

And the old trunk next to me has several new buds sprouting

45 minutes left to my interview

And I am catching a cold

Life doesn’t have to be like this

Life can be reborn.

Marybel Salis-El Ismaili Alaoui

Deep causes for Hypothyroidism

2009-03-21T16:45:00.010Z

So, I have been furiously busy with my job search in this desperate climate of the recession.
Now I ma back briefly to go a bit deeper in the analysis of what could be the possible metaphysical causes for this terrible disease.

Louise Hays does not talk about this topic in her book, but I found the answer she gave to a reader from Australia online:
"Of course you’re tired of life. You’ve been disconnected from your emotions for a long time. This pattern usually begins in childhood. At home and in society, many of us receive the message it’s not okay to express certain feelings such as sadness and anger. We suppress or “depress” so-called unacceptable feelings. We become cut off from our emotional energy and left with a general feeling of fatigue and disconnection from life. We slow our bodies down and feel we’re running on empty.

At least 80% of all autoimmune disease (immune system attacks the body) occurs in women. Somewhere deep within our bodies there’s some kind of destructive message that needs to be revealed and transformed. To break free of this pattern, it’s helpful to establish a safe environment to reconnect with our feeling processes and begin to safely release stored anger, sadness, and other suppressed emotions. It’s highly recommended to have qualified professional help in this process. An affirmation to use here is: “It is safe to express all that is within me. I love, honor, and accept all aspects of who and what I am. As a result, I’m energized, expressed, and filled with joy;">So I pubblicly want to thank this wonderful author for the tip. I feel I am doing this in a way, but it is going to be a very long process, I am afraid.<In the mentime I also have taken another decision: I want to take an appointmento to see Dr. Barry Durrant-Peatfield , the famous thyroid pioneer author of the book : 'The Great Thyroid Scandal and How to Survive It'.
More on this on my next posts...stay tuned.
XXX
M

Weight gain! Going deeper.

2009-03-19T06:57:00.008Z
I went to see the dietitian at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London on the 17 March 2009 afternoon and found out that I have gained one more kg!
I am now in March 2009 1.14 kilograms which corresponds to 0.179519271 stones.
At one month away from my goal and determination of halving my weight excess I have obtained the opposite result.
I have admitted a lowering of my energy levels and consequentially a decrease in exercise and visits to the gym. This condition called hypothyroidism is really an hellish state.
On one hand I want to react and win over my weight increase, on the other the very energy to carry out the necessary activities is lacking. The desire to relax and sleep wins over the strongest of motivations.
Furthermore, even though I am paying a membership to a very expensive gym, I can only take part in aquaerobics classes as my body-weight prevents me from being able to follow a class outside the water.
Even a yoga class is often too challenging for me.
My feelings oscillate from frustration to guilt, from hope to disappointment.
I got some points from the dietitian:
1) use less olive oil - about 1 teaspoon per day
2) increase the levels of exercise
3)make ice lollies at home to avoid added sugar
4) swap from half fat milt to no-fat, red bottle.
My diet usually consists of a big breakfast including: 1 egg, 1 thin slice of cheese, 1 wholemeal pitta bread and some vegetables or salad.
My lunch is varied, could be a small ball of rice or pasta with vegetables.
Snacks include home-made kefir, yogurt and smaller amounts of fruit. ( I used to consume fruit in large quantities but since attending session with the dietitian I have decreased the amount of fruit consumed dramatically).
My dinner is consumed around 5/6pm. Usually is a soup or a fish dish or some grilled vegetables.
I stopped keeping a daily diary discouraged by the lack of results and in the conviction that my diet is balanced and very much reduced in amount and substance to what I have consumed for the rest of my life, when I was very slim.
Yesterday my lunch was a a cup of japanese seaweed soup and a small bawl of boiled rice with soy sauce. I drank two glasses of home made kefir, which is supposed to be great fro the stomac and very beneficial in general to the immune system.
My dinner was a pitta bread with salad and homemade falafels (not fird but cooked in the oven with 1 teaspoon of olive oil and water). At 9pm I had a pinapple yogurt pot. I drunk two cups of earl gray tea, water and green tea all day.
I received some dougnats as a present from some guests but did not taste even a little piece.
This morning I have decided to go even deeper.
I have a lot of respect for Louise Hay's intuition of the metaphysical causes of illnesses and I have often applied her positive affirmations for other problems.
Today I went for the first time to check her opinion on hypothyroidism.
I will go deeper on my next post.
ciao.

REDUCTIL

2009-03-13T19:29:00.003Z
I have almost finished the first box of Reductil.
I feel it is fear to let you know that I have been prescrived this medicine to help with my weightloss.
As I have tried almost everything to recreate a balance, I have decided to follow this cure as well.
I have by now accepted the idea that this arduous weightloss goal will be obtained not only by one factor but by a combination of efforts on different levels.
I pray to be protected by the Universal forces againts sickness and for my body to react to the illness every day.
The active substance in Reductil is sibutramine hydrochloride monohydrate.
The first few days my appetite was decreased dramatically but by now it is slightly increased.
On the first few days I felt much more energy but now, after about 15 pills taken, I feel very tired and often need an afternoon nap to cope with evening tasks.

BLEND! Theatre group

2009-02-28T10:53:00.004Z
Good Saturday everyone,
I know there is only one follwer registered, which is quite shameful, to be honest, but I do get private e-mails with coments on my blog and that's how I know it is followed by more than one person...thanks goodness!!! Or should I write Fatdess :D
I actually get complaints when I don't write for a few days...and I do apologise if sometimes I cannot find the time for blogging...as I might be exercising (well, sometimes), chanting (more often) touring hospitals (too often) or creating (more often)...
Well at least I am not cutting and pasting other peoples ideas or repeating always the same ...eh?
And I always have some good fresh news for you:
1) I am now enrolled for my Dramatherapy course and here is my statement:
My interest in completing an MA in Drama therapy comes as a mature decision of utilising my theatre expertise and transforming the theory I have learned into a practical life mission. My passion for the theatre and my interest in helping others has always been a determinant part of my existence.
Since the age of six, I became interested in social problems (probably due to attending a progressive class inclusive of children with disabilities which where usually segregated into a special school) and helping less fortunate children. I immediately joined various catholic voluntary organizations such as Gen 3, Caritas and CSP where we sang, acted and danced in meetings about children’s lives in difficult circumstances (divorce, relationship with abusive parents) and poorer countries. This is when I first started to associate the idea of artistic expression with the one of catharsis and emotional healing.
Puppetry was my favourite toy as a child and I remember using 4 characters from a plastic kit to solve issues with my brother and sister. We gave them funny names and I remember in particular a red-faced character we called “The happy Sir”.
While living in Rome I started my formal acting training with Ilza Prestinari who trained with Marcel Marceau in Paris and Lee Strasberg at The Actors Studio in New York.
Aged 14 I was the youngest amongst the pupils together with Siddhartha, Ilza’s own daughter who is currently her assistant and an Actor and Theatre Director in her own right. In this context I was first introduced to the “Sense Memory” and “Affective Memory” techniques which while they were merely used as a powerful acting tool, became a seed for my growing curiosity in Drama Therapy.
My BA in Performing Arts course was chosen on the basis that I wanted to study dance and drama at the same time and with a very practical approach. The University of North London (now London Metropolitan University) offered a programme which integrated theory and practice in an interdisciplinary approach. Here I came into contact with the work of Peter Brook (also studying Directing with Anna Furse, one of his collaborators) and to deepen my knowledge of the work of Jerzy Grotowski. With Helen Spackman I was able to explore the connection between theatre and psychotherapy as well as alternative forms of performance. I was particularly touched by the idea of the narcissistic issue in performers, desperately striving for wholeness, confirmation and the applause. I deeply admire Helen’s scenic courage and honesty. She is also responsible with Ernst Fisher for introducing me to Butoh dance techniques I often use in the composition of my choreographies.

In May 1998 I also converted to the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin and since then I continued my voluntary work with SGI UK promoting peace in the world through friendship, culture and education. I led various workshops with children and teenagers teaching drama and dance as well as supporting their creativity in small craft projects.
My religious choice gave me strength (answers I accepted) and an incredible feeling of joy derived by the practice of chanting a mantra “Nam-nyoho-renge-kyo”. In previous years I also explored Tibetan and Zen, yoga,T’ai chi and just sitting meditation. From all this disciplines I gained many insights learning to look inside myself for all my answers. My enthusiasm for the effects I was experiencing from chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo also became a great obstacle while confronting my ideas with tutors with strong postmodern convictions like the negation of absolute values and truths.
I have always used Art (Drama, Dance, Painting, Music and Crafts) to express myself and communicate with others. During University I became interested in the possibility of using theatre techniques to facilitate personal growth and promote health. As a student of Performing Arts I was more interested in collaborations than in competing with other students. This philanthropic desire propelled me into founding the “Alternative Student’s Society”. This was an extracurricular activity focussed in outreach projects. My main objective was to find some practical uses for the theatre arts which would benefit society at large. In this context, as volunteers, a colleague and I visited a residential home hosting some Caribbean patients suffering from Dementia based in Lewisham. We offered drama, music, dance and physical theatre workshops and devised a final performance with the residents. We noticed that laughter took immediately the place of complaint and sadness in the eyes of the patients. Individuals which looked pale and chair bound on the first day became lively, singing and dancing joined in a human-train during their performance on our last visit.
In my personal life I often used drama to overcome difficulties and I deeply believe in the healing power of role-play, the mysticism of mask work, the introspective deep focus of mime and the relaxing and free empowering force of improvisation. I studied Phil Jones’s book “Drama as Therapy, Theatre as Living”. I am extremely interested in the principles of projective identification and dramatic distancing he wrote about. I experienced projective identification as an actor but even before then, as a reader. I had the opportunity to explore the concept of dramatic distancing while working as a Drama Improvisation tutor for the over ‘50s at the Mary Ward Centre. I led the group on a devised performance around the theme of death entitled: “If I should die tomorrow…” Students were clearly interested and emotionally sensitive towards the theme. They were able to approach the problem through metaphor and humour.
Currently suffering from hypothyroidism and overweight, I wish to use my MA in Dramatherapy to help myself and others in similar conditions. I also would like to use this course to help alienated office workers as well as anybody else might need my help. I would like to gain a formal recognition by the British Association of Dramatherapists and to collaborate with various institutions.
I would like to also use this course in the future to deepen my academic knowledge, start collaborating in research projects and became a University Lecturer. I also wish to start a small local theatre company in Ladbroke Grove, where I live, to keep up my performing arts skills and pass on theatre skills and techniques to younger generations. I hope I will have the opportunity to collaborate with work experience as soon as possible as I am really looking forward to start practicing as a Dramatherapist.

.

Escape # 2 - Dramaqueen at the hospital

2009-02-25T08:52:00.004Z
The first time I went to the St. Mary's Hospital in London for a Thyroid scan, I was asked if I wanted to go ahead and have a biopsy.
The lady doctor explained that it would mean to stick a needle on my throat and stop breathing and swallowing until she finished.
I didn't feel very well as I was coming from a Glucose test with various blood tests at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. I explained this to the doctor who told me she would write to my doctor and explain why she thought I needed to take the biopsy.
I didn't particularly like the attitude and communication skills of this doctor, but then again, how can you like somebody who want to stick a needle up your throat?
Anyways, I spoke to my GP and I told her how I was not enthused by this idea.
The GP said that it would have been very important to take the biopsy.
I told my husband how scared I was. I called my father in Sardinia, Italy.
He told me:" If you have to do it, just close your eyes for five minutes and get it done. If you don't do it now, you will have to do it later".
So I started to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to develop the courage necessary to get on with it.
I got ready and went to charge my oyster card.
I went to the hospital which is a weird building with a funny smell. I liked the decorative painting with fishes and see life...
Then I was called in.
I started my breathing technique.
"Hello again" said the lady doctor...or is she just a technician? mah... I will never know.
Doctor -"So are you happy to have the biopsy?"
Marybel-"Well, happy is not exactly how I feel...The GP told me it is necessary..."
Doctor -" OK so I will insert the needle in your throat. It is a fine needle, finer than the one used for a blood test. I will enter through the skin into the thyroid gland. from the trachea...I will move the needle in a circular motion in order to get some samples. On the 10% of cases the test doe not have any result...bla bla bla every detail...is it OK?
Marybel-"if you don't stop talking about it I am going to faint!"
Doctor -"So you don't want to do it?"
Marybel-"Nooo!!!"
Doctor -"Wait, get dressed...
Nurse -"Are you ok ms?"
Marybel-"FXXX Hell!!!
I left banging all doors thinking this doc was an idiot...why didn't just get on with the fxxx disgusting sxxx and that's it?
I left feeling very depressed and outraged...

Have you lost weight?

2009-02-21T15:49:00.001Z
This is the question people started asking me in the gym and at friend's gatherings.
Apparently my weist is shrinking and my hourglass figure is slowly (much slower than I would like) coming back.
I might have lost a few kgs but all I saw during my last yoga class, was my big belly. The biggest in the whole class. Yes because people with bellies like so are either 8 and half pregnant or heavy beer drinkers!
But I am only affected by an underactive thyroid and I am sure I will eventually find a great solution.
So to all of you with the same or similar problems this is my message for the day:
Just love yourself no matter what.
XXX
M

My "new" old piano

2009-02-14T18:01:00.002Z
My dear friends I am over the moon!
First of all I did go to the gym last Thursday and Friday and gave my 100% on both aquaerobic classes.

I love V's class and sense of humor. Her breastroke with jump is one of my favourite moves, and the kicks and punches combact style. Her mantra is "create some turbolance ladies, the more turbolance the more toning!"

T is an ex dancer, I am sure because I am one too -not that I dare to say so very often, due to people looking at me with big eyes and saying: "R-E-A-L-LY?"
T's class is basically a dance techniques class in the water and I feel very happy when I do it because I visualiza my fat and water retention dissolving like snow in a sunny day and my muscles working as normal with an improvement in my technique due to the continuous attention to detail...
Her class is really good fun, especially at the end when we streach and she says:"open your ciest!" it always makes me smile.
But what really put a big smile on my lips this week is my "new" old piano.
Playing the piano is always been my dream and I have a very sad story about attending one year of Music Conservatory in Sardinia aged 11.
I think I will have to write a book about it at some point and it is far too sad for this blog.
Anyway the great fantastic news is that this year aged almost 39 I do have my own piano and I have already started to study music by myself.
I have also joined a piano course which will start on my birthday- the 23rd of April 2009. How peculiar, eh?
I hope learning to play the piano will also have some good effects on my hypotiroidism. Sound therapy exists, doesn't it?
Well now I have to go and chose my Master Degree. Well I shouldn't surprise anyone too much for considering Arts Therapy, right?
Good San Valentine everyone.
XXX
M

Well well well

2009-02-12T14:31:00.004Z
Good afternoon all Followers of this blog and curious people just browsing through,
I am aware that the last few entries were pretty dull, but still important in the overall journey I am going through.
I have been reading two books which I warmly recommend to all Thyroid (no I don't want to define us as victims: we have to fight hard)..mhmmm "patients" (there couldn't be a worse word to describe me...I am so not patient at all!!!)well here are the titles:
The Great Thyroid Scandal and How to Survive It
A New Book by Dr. Barry Durrant-Peatfield
This doctor had some problems with the NHS for having been bold and forward thinking in matter of how British doctors are trained in curing all Thyroid imbalances.
It is a scary read but I cannot wait to meet this doctor.
The other book is The Thyroid Diet by Mary J Shomon.

From all this reading I found out that being tired and generally disinterested in going out is part of the symptoms of having an underactive thyroid, like myself.
I used to be a very active individual, always busy studying, teaching, performing, devising, fundrasing, working, taking part in Buddhist cultural activities, dancing, organizing evenings with friends, going to concerts...now I have to really struggle to go from the sofa to the toilet.
I am aware that many people in the world are currently going through the same feeling: it is awful.
I fight withing myself to go to the gym and I have lost for the last two weeks.
Today I will probably go to my favourite aquaerobics class. The teacher reminds me a lot of myself pre-hypothiroidism, therefore is a mixture of pleasure and pain.
Her body is as magnificent as mine used to be and her attitude is very funny and "hardcore". She uses a lot of combact movements in her class, reminding me of when I used to train with Shaolin Monk S.Y. in Brixton Accademy.
Now I merely manage to bounce from the pull stairs into the water...and yet I have to find the self respect and love for this new morbid me.
I have to for myself and for all of the other women out there suffering from being overweight and despised for any reason.
I feel this is part of my mission in this lifetime: being fab and flab.
Good luck to me
XXX to you
M

Too lazy to move mmmhhh

2009-02-11T18:08:00.001Z
Hello everyone,
I am too lazy to move, too lazy to write, too lazy to go to the gym...
Even too lazy to write the blog.
I will try tomorrow
XXX
M

Thanks Lola

2009-02-05T15:06:00.002Z
I have a long time friend called Lola.
She is not only one of the funniest and wittiest people I have ever met.
She also has the most fantastic taste in music and sends me a lot of great videos through facebook.
I wish you all a great friend like her.
As I was feeling a little "blue" I found her post: "Rock With Me" by Peter Tosh,
Wow girls, I started dancing around the house!!! What a grove!!!
I love Peter Tosh.
I love Lola.
I love Regge.
I love Music.
I love life.
One Love.
XXX
Marybel

Too much trust in one doctor

2009-02-05T14:30:00.003Z
Well, today it's hard....I am fighting with the feeling of having been defeated.
In reality I am not as I am still fighting.
But I am feeling nevertheless very very upset.
I recently read a book: The Great Thyroid Scandal and How to Survive It by Dr. Barry Durrant-Peatfield. I got very sad and excited as a result.
Sad because apparently there are millions of people in the world with the same problem: undiagnosed thyroid malfunction. I recognised all the symthoms I had been suffering from for almost a decade without any cure and I felt rage.
I was also excited at the idea that there is somebody who knows and understands the problem.

As I am not working outside home at present, a friend offered to take some information on my behalf and came back with a great news: I could visit a researcher doctor who is specialized in Thyroid malfunctions in London.
I started to mentally and spiritually prepare for this great event in my life: healing was finally coming to my rescue.Yeee!!!
Yesterday, as I chanted for the happiness of my new doctor, I received a letter from the hospital asking me to attend a blood test appointment two days in the past...difficult, even with Buddhist extra powers ha ha.
Well I spoke to the secretary noticing that the doctor I asked to see was not working at the Hospital any longer. I was given a new name. I chanted a little. I was feeling a bit under the weather...
This morning as I went: super drama!!!
First of all I could not use my card as the pin number had been blocked.
Then as I eventually arrived to Euston Square, at the University College Hospital, I met a totally new doctor.
I am not even sure if he was a real doctor, or a student but one thing was clear: we didn't like each other instantly.
I don't remember when it was the last time I have been treated with so little respect as a patient and as a human being.
I was totally disappointed by the conversation we had, as his tone and affirmations were exactly what Dr. Barry Durrant-Peatfield describes so well in his book.
Many ideas came to my mind, including some negative ones.
I chose to chant first. And this is what I am going to do right now.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
I am sure I will report my total victory here soon
xxx
Marybel

I feel lazy and I hate that lazy feeling

2009-02-04T14:02:00.005Z
Hei,
ciao everyone. Today I feel really lazy. Yesterday I felt really lazy. The day before yesterday I felt really lazy. When was the last time I set foot in the gym (laaast Fridayyyy uhhhhhmmmmm!!!!)
The worse element is the guilt feeling.
I am a Buddhist: I can't feel guilt. Right, but I am paying the gym and I am not going everyday as planned!
There is a battle between me and myself. Myself and me.
I want to lose weight, I want to get fit.
I keep seeing gorgeus clothes I want to buy and could never wear. Not until I lost 50 or 60 extra kilos! Don't ask me how many stones, please do your calculations, surely you must be better than me in maths.
The thing is: the only class I really love is tomorrow and I cannot make it because I will have a buddhist meeting in my house.
Ok I always chant that I will loose some weight while chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo too. The thing is: chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo alone, without taking the required action will not give me the result I want: getting back to "normal" by my birthday -the 23rd of April.
So to get some courage and inspiration I started reading other people's blogs...wow!!!
I am feeling such a feilure now!
There are big ladies out there running marathons and taking part in competitions!!!
I struggle to hide myself in the yoga class while suffocating myself in a shoulderstand with a far too big pair of knockers...litterally they knock me down!!!

Hello 2009

2009-02-01T20:00:00.000Z
Hi All,
It's been a while since I last wrote on my blog.
My friend V told me this morning: "I went to read your blog but couldn't find anything new"...I am sorry, I got really busy living life and since I joined "Face book" it became almost a full time occupation with old friends and antics popping out from every corner...It's like moon walking!!!
Well so, what have I been up to since?
Let's make it concise (and then I will elaborate on it a bit more):
1) I went to see my family in Sardinia, Italy. This statement might sound plane to people with a "normal" family, but for me it was a real mission impossible needing tons of courage, chanting, wisdom and compassion...and more courage.
2) I went to see a dietitian twice and joined a monitoring group at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London;
3) I went to see a magic osteopath who solved my coccyx problem with a holistic "intrusive" technique- enough said;
4) I had many more blood tests and one glucose test for insulin and diabetes (currently awaiting results);
5) I managed to be referred to an Endocrinologist FINALLY Wow Big round of applause for the NHS and my GP Yooooo!!!!
6) I got really scared and depressed reading books on Thyroid problems and felt like taking the world to court...
7) I decided to get back to playing music and joined a piano course after 27 years of thinking about it without taking any action: Wow!!!! Big round of applause for me Yooooo!!!!
8) I decided to start up my own business and started training for it;
9) I am taking my driving exam after two failures 20 years ago;
10)I am writing songs and raps.
I hope due to all this I have been exused by now. And please friends and readers, write me some messages, if you want me to carry on writing otherwise is like having a conversation by myself...
I would like to clearly underline that all my achievements so far and fighting spirit comes solely from my Buddhist Practice of Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism through SGI-UK and I owe President Ikeda and the members around me a great deal for all this.
2009 has beennamed "The Year of Youth & Victory" and I promise you all one thing only: I will definately win over my illness this year.
Bye
Marybel
Kisses and Love
Marybel

Building a Victorious Life....

2008-12-02T18:05:00.000Z
As it happens I am going through one of these moments in life which some Japanese Buddhists describe as the bamboo knot. It is basically the dead point in which you feel lost and ask to ask "why?".
Everyone in fact experiences some moments in life which are a bit weird.
Sometimes it is because we lack direction or enthusiasm...I lack both at present.
And I consider myself very lucky because I have faith, and I know I will get out of the dark...and after the winter always comes spring.
Actually according to most sages, it is at moments like this that the most important changes in our lives come.
So, today one of my very good friends, V. sent me the unonimous story below, on an e-mail with the title : Lovely

Building a Victorious Life....

"An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife, enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor.

The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career. When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had build none to well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized that, we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one more day, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project." Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today."

(unknown)
and this is exactly how I feel today: I feel I have built a house I don't particularly enjoy living in...
And this has nothing to do with gaining weight...or it does?
Well keep reading as I will write about this very soon
XXX

USING FAITH - NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO

2008-12-02T09:34:00.000Z
Today I feel ready to share my most important secret.
How do I keep positive and feel fab no matter what happens to me? yes, even the flab?
Easy...easier than other ways. I chant. I chant a simple mantra:
NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO
This helped me change my life form a state of hell into a state of constant happiness.
If you are interested in knowing more, you can ask me or consult:
www.sgi.org

In fact, if you believe in anything else, you can use your faith to keep yourself positive and centered.
Life is full of problems and keeps throwing obstacles and challenges at us...how do we cope?
I chant. This helps me to focus but even more gives me the strongest happy feeling I have ever experienced.
Try.
XXX
M

I am carrying the watermelons

2008-11-30T06:12:00.000Z
I have always considered large breasts to be femminine and sexy.
As a child I remember praying to inherit my grandmum's ample boobs, rather than my mother's "dry figs"(as we used to call them in the family).
Well I didn't like it when people spoke to my chest instead of looking at me in the eyes...
And it is really true: "be careful what you wish for"..."and be specific on the limits", I would add.
In my youth I had some experiences modelling for bras, and I remember being surprised when I was sent to see the bra architect...now I understand.
I find it extremely difficult to find the right bra size at the moment and wearing a sport bra has became a "team work" exercise: my husband pulls from the back while I try to get them in...phiu!
I spent millions of pounds in non- fitting bras...the straps dig into the shoulders, almost cutting the skin or the breasts bulge on the sides of the cup...or the wires poke out and dig in under my arms...ahhh
On paper it seems easy: you go to a big department store or nice shop and ask to be measured, then get the right size.
In practice it doesn't quite work as well.
First of all I am always asked what size was my previous bra and offered the same, often I am abbandoned in the changing room or I am told:"sorry we do not have your size...in anything at all"!!!.

The Osteopath

2008-11-30T05:17:00.000Z
Since I used to be a professional dancer and choreographer, my bones have been moved in peculiar ways for years.
As I currently carry double my normal body weight (approx 114 Kg/251.32 pounds), my spine is under constant strain and took the shape of an exaggerated "S" .
Also the neck became extremely tense provoking increasing migraines.
Having recently decided to take my whole health into my hands and take responsibility for my own healing, I asked to be referred to an osteopath.
I went to see him (Doctor A. O. aka "Magic Hands")at the S. Charles Hospital in West London last Friday, the 28 of November.
He is the best Doctor I have met in decades. Competent, friendly, empathic and helpful.
He managed to crick my neck a little and readjust some bones on the lower back.
He also gave me some stretching exercises to do daily using the door frame for resistance to help my shoulders open wider.
As I ...how can I put it...I, I have always been the proud owner of a toned big bust, which has recently expanded taking control of my entire life.
Yes because it is not only causing shoulder grooves, back pain, neck pain and headaches, but also a big scandal in the swimming pull!!!
I spent more than one aquaerobic class, trying to keep them under control...
As the classes became increasingly popular with some of the male who enjoy the view from the comfort of the jacuzzi, I became less popular with some of the girls who kept pointing in my direction imploringly...

What Do I Eat

2008-11-27T13:54:00.000Z
Hello Everyone and welcome to my FatdessBlog.
“But what is it you eat?” –is the first question I get from doctors, friends and family alike. Well, I eat only healthy foods, organic as much as possible, with the occasional addition of some fish, mainly sea-food, like oysters and king prawns.
An example:
This morning for breakfast (8:00 am) I had half omelette with mushrooms, a toasted wholemeal granary sandwich with tomato and cheese (a sprinkle of grated British produce) and a banana. I drank 1 glass of kefir and Earl Gray tea.
A few raisins for snack…
For lunch (12.43pm) I had a small salad with some finely diced white onion, 1 tomato, some lettuce, 1 artichoke heart and 1 spoon of tuna mayo mixture. I ate this with one slice of wholemeal pitta bread at 12.43.
About 30 minutes later I had a small bowl with two slices of baked aubergine in meat- free Bolognese sauce. Having been Vegetarian and Vegan for many years, I have taught myself how to convert typical Italian cuisine into its healthy, low fat, low cholesterol yummy version.
I planned to show you pictures as every self-respected blogger around does , but I don’t know where my husband hid the camera…he is very organized; I just like to find everything I need.
What will I eat this evening? I have two choices: Minestrone (Italian mixed vegetable soup) from yesterday (it always tastes better the day after) or Chickpeas, soya and oats soup, freshly made this morning.

The Fatdess

2008-11-26T18:11:00.000Z
Choosing the title for this blog took more time than deciding to write one.
The title should give out some information of content and yet be catching but short...I seem to recall from my Marketing studies.
Well I chose this title because, even tough I am FAT (yes, by now I have to admit it) I still feel like a Goddess.
I have decided to write this blog to inspire other 'Fatfighters' and to be inspired by you All.
I am a little bit nervous as I love writing, but being 'Britalian', I am always concerned about my spelling and compositional style. So if something sounds really weird, please do not hesitate to correct me or excuse my Italian side...
The good aspect of this (there is always one) is that you will be able to find here the most delicious healthy recipes as I am a real Foodie and Gourmet Chef (by love not by trade...not yet).