A new job a new hope

I am ever so excited about this: I found a new job.
Not only that: a job working with people suffering from dementia.
In the community.
Using arts.
Linked to my project to gain an MA in Dramatherapy.
I am so excited!
Of course everything is subject to references and CRB check.
I cannot wait to start. I have an appointment at 2pm next tuesday...wow!!!

The sleep study night 8 April 2009

Tonight I will have to sleep with a sleep study machine attached to my body and my nose...Dr. S. told me that sleep could be one of the reasons for weight gain.
At the hospital I asked the technician who explained me how to use the machine about it , but he asked me if I was going to have the operation.
The operation they keep pushing as the solution to all my problems is the gastric band! No I will not!
So I searched the Internet and found this link:
http://www.sleep-deprivation.com/articles/effects-of-sleep-deprivation/weight.php
Apparently there is a commonly accepted relationship with poor sleeping patterns and weight gain.
So at 8pm I started wearing the machine. Elastic bands, nose sensors, red light on ring finger...an ET movie...
How could anyone sleep better with all this devices attached to the body with cello tape? I certainly did not.
I woke up at lest 5 times if not 10.
Doctor S. is currently on holidays and I have an appointment booked with him to check the results...let's hope they finally start to understand what is wrong with me ...

Iodine & Hypothiroidism

I recently mentioned a new friend but did not have much time to talk about it. As it often happens S. T. looks like an angel. Firstly she asked me if I was taking thyroxine or armour. I told her the truth: I have been taking Levothyroxine since last April, I am now on 75 mcg but without massive results. I also directed her to this blog and she became my friend instantly by writing:- 'Great blog..:)..' haha.
She wrote me that 'the hypo thing is so very complicated..it's a lot about sorting the adrenals first before even going on meds..but lots of docs just put peeps on thyroxine straight away..
do you take digestive enzymes with your meals?..they should help with absorption issues which in turn helps the thyroid.
Sure,I make and drink kefir. Ti is also called kefīrs, keefir, kephir, kewra, talai, mudu kekiya, milkkefir, búlgaros...according to the culture.
It is a fermented drink that can be prepared at home by inoculating milk with kefir grains. I have tried various milk, including soy milk. The best result so far was with UTH long life milk semi-skimmed. At present I am using completely skimmed milk to decrease fat and help with weight-loss...
You can find a lot of information on this on the following websites:
http://users.sa.chariot.net.au/~dna/kefirpage.html
http://www.seedsofhealth.co.uk/fermenting/kefir.shtml
http://www.nourishkefir.co.uk/
' Hypo can be such a silent deceptive disease it's important to have support.'
My angel also gave me the following contacts which I pass on to you all, in case they might be useful to you too:

-info on products
https://web0.herbdoc.com/index.php?&c=1
-info on 'thyroid chat centre'
http://thyroidhost.proboards.com/index.cgi?
wakame seaweed
new ideas :
dr brownstein on iodine
So I am now doing more research...on iodine as well.

It is only 7:21 in the morning and today I will try and go to the gym before anything else...I find that if I leave it too late in the end I don't go...and I am starting to meet my husband's disappointment about paying an expensive gym membership without using it...!!!

I don't eat much sugar but I have a weakness for cheese

All cheeses, really!
I love them, I dream of them and I don't think I can actually live without them at all.
Sometimes I asked my husband the question: 'do you think we can survive without cheese until tomorrow?' He laughs and we both know the answer...
Maybe my Sardinian origins. Sardinia is a land of sheeps and shepherds with the nicest cheese ever...but I also got to love French and Greek and even British cheeses.
I better get my salad ready now.
Say Cheese!
xxx
M

A new Friend a new poem...

this is the poem in Italian and English below:
VIVENDO LA MORTE

Richmond

e` bella oggi.

E mi siedo in un cimitero

Il sole risplende

Molti suoni e colori pervadono l’atmosfera

Ogni tomba sembra viva e felice

Alcune hanno lanterne di varie forme e colori

Molte hanno fiori e piante

Splendendo con I loro molti colori

E il suono metallico degli scacciapensieri



Una piccolo corona di rose gialle e fiorellini color lilla` sovrasta incoronando una tomba

Qualche palloncino a forma di cuore rosa e girandole gialle

Tutto mi fa sentire in grande compagnia

Perfino un festone di natale rosso come un boa luccicante

Mi salute brillando, come giochelerrando con i timidi raggi del sole

Dietro di me le voci scatenate dei bambini che urlano nel cortile

Vita e morte

La ruota della vita

E la mia vita qui con la speranza di un nuovo inizio

Un colloqui

Sono molto in anticipo

Seduta qui

Recitando [1]

Per la mia carriera



Improvvisamente

Una realizzazione, un’idea

Che in morte come in vita

Alcuni si distinguono per lusso e stile

Molti di piu` per semplicita`

Alcuni per solitudine

La vita e` breve

Me la devo godere



Varie immagini vogliono essere lette dai miei occhi richiamando la mia attenzione:

Un piccolo angelo si rilassa sulla pancia guardando all’insu`

Una piccolo farfallina

Una stella

Un cuore

The familiari

In una macchina

Mi guardano sospettosamente

Che faccio seduta li`…

E piu` suoni e piu` vento scuote l’aria

E il moto incessante degli insetti

E non e` affatto semplice digerire un panino di formaggio e cipolle

Forse un altro sorso di acqua frizzante aiuta



Il suono di un aeroplane richiama

Il mio desiderio per una lunga vacanza

Siamo veramente troppo impegnati a pianificare il futuro per goderci l’adesso?

Mi godo veramente questo momento di preghiera e riflessione

Un piccolo uccellino salta mentre le foglie secche tamburellano un ritmo di base

Un altro aeroplane, un altro desiderio vacanziero

2/3 ferie 2/3 mila ?

Un grosso grasso corvo …e un piccolo passerotto marroncino avanzano



La morte non puo` essere poi cosi` male se ti puoi riposare qui

Con amorevoli palloncini risa e cartoline plastificate

Un uccellino canta forte replicando

Le girandole una grande e rosa e una piccolo e multicolore girano a velocita` differenti

Uno dei palloncini rosa e` scoppiato…no, due…come la bolla globale

Fuori dall’inferriata molte machine si muovono intorno al traffico…

E il vecchio tronco vicino a me ha molteplici nuovi boccioli germogliano

Ancora 45 minuti al mio colloquio

E mi sto prendendo un raffreddore

La vita non deve essere cosi`

La vita puo` rinascere



Marybel Salis-El Ismaili Alaoui





LIVING DEATH

Richmond

is beautiful today.

And I seat in a cemetery

The sun is shining

Many sounds and colours pervade the atmosphere

Every tomb looks alive and happy

Some have lanterns in various shapes and colours

Many have flowers and plants

Shining with their many colours

And the metallic sounds of the wind charms.



A little wreath of yellow roses and lilac little flowers towers crowning a tomb

A few pink heart- shaped balloons and yellow whirling wheels

Everything makes me feel I am in great company

Even a red Christmas decoration like a ‘sparkling boa’

Greets me shining, as if playing with the timid sun’s rays

Behind me the excited voices of children screaming in a playground

Life and death

The wheel of life

And my own life here with the hope of a new beginning

An interview

I am very early

Seating here

Chanting

for my career



Suddenly

A realization, an idea

That in death as in life

Some distinguish themselves with luxury and style

Many more with simplicity

Some with loneliness

Life is short

I have to enjoy it



Images want to be red by my eyes calling for attention:

A little angel relaxes on his belly looking up

A small butterfly

A star

A heart

Three family members

in a car

look at me suspiciously:

what am I doing sitting there…

and more sounds and more wind moves the air

and the incessant motion of the insects

it is not at all easy to digest a cheese and onion sandwich!

Maybe one more sip of sparkling water helps



The sound of a plain recalls my

Desire for a long holiday

Are we really too busy planning for the future to enjoy the now?

Indeed I do enjoy this moment of prayer and focus

A little bird jumps while the dry leaves drum a backing rhythm

Another plane, another holiday desire

2/3 hols 2/3 Ks…?

A big fat black crow…and a little light brown sparrow come closer



Death cannot be that bad if you can rest here

And have lovely pink balloons and plastic greeting cards

A bird sings loudly to reply

Whirling wheels one big and pink, one smaller and multicoloured turn at different speeds

One of the pink balloons has gone burst…no two of them... like the global bubble

Outside the fence many cars move around in traffic…

And the old trunk next to me has several new buds sprouting

45 minutes left to my interview

And I am catching a cold

Life doesn’t have to be like this

Life can be reborn.



Marybel Salis-El Ismaili Alaoui

Deep causes for Hypothyroidism

So, I have been furiously busy with my job search in this desperate climate of the recession.
Now I ma back briefly to go a bit deeper in the analysis of what could be the possible metaphysical causes for this terrible disease.

Louise Hays does not talk about this topic in her book, but I found the answer she gave to a reader from Australia online:
"Of course you’re tired of life. You’ve been disconnected from your emotions for a long time. This pattern usually begins in childhood. At home and in society, many of us receive the message it’s not okay to express certain feelings such as sadness and anger. We suppress or “depress” so-called unacceptable feelings. We become cut off from our emotional energy and left with a general feeling of fatigue and disconnection from life. We slow our bodies down and feel we’re running on empty.

At least 80% of all autoimmune disease (immune system attacks the body) occurs in women. Somewhere deep within our bodies there’s some kind of destructive message that needs to be revealed and transformed. To break free of this pattern, it’s helpful to establish a safe environment to reconnect with our feeling processes and begin to safely release stored anger, sadness, and other suppressed emotions. It’s highly recommended to have qualified professional help in this process. An affirmation to use here is: “It is safe to express all that is within me. I love, honor, and accept all aspects of who and what I am. As a result, I’m energized, expressed, and filled with joy;">So I pubblicly want to thank this wonderful author for the tip. I feel I am doing this in a way, but it is going to be a very long process, I am afraid.<In the mentime I also have taken another decision: I want to take an appointmento to see Dr. Barry Durrant-Peatfield , the famous thyroid pioneer author of the book : 'The Great Thyroid Scandal and How to Survive It'.
More on this on my next posts...stay tuned.
XXX
M

Weight gain! Going deeper.

I went to see the dietitian at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London on the 17 March 2009 afternoon and found out that I have gained one more kg!
I am now in March 2009 1.14 kilograms which corresponds to 0.179519271 stones.
At one month away from my goal and determination of halving my weight excess I have obtained the opposite result.
I have admitted a lowering of my energy levels and consequentially a decrease in exercise and visits to the gym. This condition called hypothyroidism is really an hellish state.
On one hand I want to react and win over my weight increase, on the other the very energy to carry out the necessary activities is lacking. The desire to relax and sleep wins over the strongest of motivations.
Furthermore, even though I am paying a membership to a very expensive gym, I can only take part in aquaerobics classes as my body-weight prevents me from being able to follow a class outside the water.
Even a yoga class is often too challenging for me.
My feelings oscillate from frustration to guilt, from hope to disappointment.
I got some points from the dietitian:
1) use less olive oil - about 1 teaspoon per day
2) increase the levels of exercise
3)make ice lollies at home to avoid added sugar
4) swap from half fat milt to no-fat, red bottle.
My diet usually consists of a big breakfast including: 1 egg, 1 thin slice of cheese, 1 wholemeal pitta bread and some vegetables or salad.
My lunch is varied, could be a small ball of rice or pasta with vegetables.
Snacks include home-made kefir, yogurt and smaller amounts of fruit. ( I used to consume fruit in large quantities but since attending session with the dietitian I have decreased the amount of fruit consumed dramatically).
My dinner is consumed around 5/6pm. Usually is a soup or a fish dish or some grilled vegetables.
I stopped keeping a daily diary discouraged by the lack of results and in the conviction that my diet is balanced and very much reduced in amount and substance to what I have consumed for the rest of my life, when I was very slim.
Yesterday my lunch was a a cup of japanese seaweed soup and a small bawl of boiled rice with soy sauce. I drank two glasses of home made kefir, which is supposed to be great fro the stomac and very beneficial in general to the immune system.
My dinner was a pitta bread with salad and homemade falafels (not fird but cooked in the oven with 1 teaspoon of olive oil and water). At 9pm I had a pinapple yogurt pot. I drunk two cups of earl gray tea, water and green tea all day.
I received some dougnats as a present from some guests but did not taste even a little piece.
This morning I have decided to go even deeper.
I have a lot of respect for Louise Hay's intuition of the metaphysical causes of illnesses and I have often applied her positive affirmations for other problems.
Today I went for the first time to check her opinion on hypothyroidism.
I will go deeper on my next post.
ciao.

REDUCTIL

I have almost finished the first box of Reductil.
I feel it is fear to let you know that I have been prescrived this medicine to help with my weightloss.
As I have tried almost everything to recreate a balance, I have decided to follow this cure as well.
I have by now accepted the idea that this arduous weightloss goal will be obtained not only by one factor but by a combination of efforts on different levels.
I pray to be protected by the Universal forces againts sickness and for my body to react to the illness every day.
The active substance in Reductil is sibutramine hydrochloride monohydrate.
The first few days my appetite was decreased dramatically but by now it is slightly increased.
On the first few days I felt much more energy but now, after about 15 pills taken, I feel very tired and often need an afternoon nap to cope with evening tasks.

BLEND! Theatre group

Good Saturday everyone,
I know there is only one follwer registered, which is quite shameful, to be honest, but I do get private e-mails with coments on my blog and that's how I know it is followed by more than one person...thanks goodness!!! Or should I write Fatdess :D
I actually get complaints when I don't write for a few days...and I do apologise if sometimes I cannot find the time for blogging...as I might be exercising (well, sometimes), chanting (more often) touring hospitals (too often) or creating (more often)...
Well at least I am not cutting and pasting other peoples ideas or repeating always the same ...eh?
And I always have some good fresh news for you:
1) I am now enrolled for my Dramatherapy course and here is my statement:
My interest in completing an MA in Drama therapy comes as a mature decision of utilising my theatre expertise and transforming the theory I have learned into a practical life mission. My passion for the theatre and my interest in helping others has always been a determinant part of my existence.
Since the age of six, I became interested in social problems (probably due to attending a progressive class inclusive of children with disabilities which where usually segregated into a special school) and helping less fortunate children. I immediately joined various catholic voluntary organizations such as Gen 3, Caritas and CSP where we sang, acted and danced in meetings about children’s lives in difficult circumstances (divorce, relationship with abusive parents) and poorer countries. This is when I first started to associate the idea of artistic expression with the one of catharsis and emotional healing.
Puppetry was my favourite toy as a child and I remember using 4 characters from a plastic kit to solve issues with my brother and sister. We gave them funny names and I remember in particular a red-faced character we called “The happy Sir”.
While living in Rome I started my formal acting training with Ilza Prestinari who trained with Marcel Marceau in Paris and Lee Strasberg at The Actors Studio in New York.
Aged 14 I was the youngest amongst the pupils together with Siddhartha, Ilza’s own daughter who is currently her assistant and an Actor and Theatre Director in her own right. In this context I was first introduced to the “Sense Memory” and “Affective Memory” techniques which while they were merely used as a powerful acting tool, became a seed for my growing curiosity in Drama Therapy.
My BA in Performing Arts course was chosen on the basis that I wanted to study dance and drama at the same time and with a very practical approach. The University of North London (now London Metropolitan University) offered a programme which integrated theory and practice in an interdisciplinary approach. Here I came into contact with the work of Peter Brook (also studying Directing with Anna Furse, one of his collaborators) and to deepen my knowledge of the work of Jerzy Grotowski. With Helen Spackman I was able to explore the connection between theatre and psychotherapy as well as alternative forms of performance. I was particularly touched by the idea of the narcissistic issue in performers, desperately striving for wholeness, confirmation and the applause. I deeply admire Helen’s scenic courage and honesty. She is also responsible with Ernst Fisher for introducing me to Butoh dance techniques I often use in the composition of my choreographies.

In May 1998 I also converted to the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin and since then I continued my voluntary work with SGI UK promoting peace in the world through friendship, culture and education. I led various workshops with children and teenagers teaching drama and dance as well as supporting their creativity in small craft projects.
My religious choice gave me strength (answers I accepted) and an incredible feeling of joy derived by the practice of chanting a mantra “Nam-nyoho-renge-kyo”. In previous years I also explored Tibetan and Zen, yoga,T’ai chi and just sitting meditation. From all this disciplines I gained many insights learning to look inside myself for all my answers. My enthusiasm for the effects I was experiencing from chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo also became a great obstacle while confronting my ideas with tutors with strong postmodern convictions like the negation of absolute values and truths.
I have always used Art (Drama, Dance, Painting, Music and Crafts) to express myself and communicate with others. During University I became interested in the possibility of using theatre techniques to facilitate personal growth and promote health. As a student of Performing Arts I was more interested in collaborations than in competing with other students. This philanthropic desire propelled me into founding the “Alternative Student’s Society”. This was an extracurricular activity focussed in outreach projects. My main objective was to find some practical uses for the theatre arts which would benefit society at large. In this context, as volunteers, a colleague and I visited a residential home hosting some Caribbean patients suffering from Dementia based in Lewisham. We offered drama, music, dance and physical theatre workshops and devised a final performance with the residents. We noticed that laughter took immediately the place of complaint and sadness in the eyes of the patients. Individuals which looked pale and chair bound on the first day became lively, singing and dancing joined in a human-train during their performance on our last visit.
In my personal life I often used drama to overcome difficulties and I deeply believe in the healing power of role-play, the mysticism of mask work, the introspective deep focus of mime and the relaxing and free empowering force of improvisation. I studied Phil Jones’s book “Drama as Therapy, Theatre as Living”. I am extremely interested in the principles of projective identification and dramatic distancing he wrote about. I experienced projective identification as an actor but even before then, as a reader. I had the opportunity to explore the concept of dramatic distancing while working as a Drama Improvisation tutor for the over ‘50s at the Mary Ward Centre. I led the group on a devised performance around the theme of death entitled: “If I should die tomorrow…” Students were clearly interested and emotionally sensitive towards the theme. They were able to approach the problem through metaphor and humour.
Currently suffering from hypothyroidism and overweight, I wish to use my MA in Dramatherapy to help myself and others in similar conditions. I also would like to use this course to help alienated office workers as well as anybody else might need my help. I would like to gain a formal recognition by the British Association of Dramatherapists and to collaborate with various institutions.
I would like to also use this course in the future to deepen my academic knowledge, start collaborating in research projects and became a University Lecturer. I also wish to start a small local theatre company in Ladbroke Grove, where I live, to keep up my performing arts skills and pass on theatre skills and techniques to younger generations. I hope I will have the opportunity to collaborate with work experience as soon as possible as I am really looking forward to start practicing as a Dramatherapist.

.

Escape # 2 - Dramaqueen at the hospital

The first time I went to the St. Mary's Hospital in London for a Thyroid scan, I was asked if I wanted to go ahead and have a biopsy.
The lady doctor explained that it would mean to stick a needle on my throat and stop breathing and swallowing until she finished.
I didn't feel very well as I was coming from a Glucose test with various blood tests at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. I explained this to the doctor who told me she would write to my doctor and explain why she thought I needed to take the biopsy.
I didn't particularly like the attitude and communication skills of this doctor, but then again, how can you like somebody who want to stick a needle up your throat?
Anyways, I spoke to my GP and I told her how I was not enthused by this idea.
The GP said that it would have been very important to take the biopsy.
I told my husband how scared I was. I called my father in Sardinia, Italy.
He told me:" If you have to do it, just close your eyes for five minutes and get it done. If you don't do it now, you will have to do it later".
So I started to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to develop the courage necessary to get on with it.
I got ready and went to charge my oyster card.
I went to the hospital which is a weird building with a funny smell. I liked the decorative painting with fishes and see life...
Then I was called in.
I started my breathing technique.
"Hello again" said the lady doctor...or is she just a technician? mah... I will never know.
Doctor -"So are you happy to have the biopsy?"
Marybel-"Well, happy is not exactly how I feel...The GP told me it is necessary..."
Doctor -" OK so I will insert the needle in your throat. It is a fine needle, finer than the one used for a blood test. I will enter through the skin into the thyroid gland. from the trachea...I will move the needle in a circular motion in order to get some samples. On the 10% of cases the test doe not have any result...bla bla bla every detail...is it OK?
Marybel-"if you don't stop talking about it I am going to faint!"
Doctor -"So you don't want to do it?"
Marybel-"Nooo!!!"
Doctor -"Wait, get dressed...
Nurse -"Are you ok ms?"
Marybel-"FXXX Hell!!!
I left banging all doors thinking this doc was an idiot...why didn't just get on with the fxxx disgusting sxxx and that's it?
I left feeling very depressed and outraged...